Dirty English Read online

  My stomach lurched. Memories hit.

  The sharp sting of vodka.

  My dress torn around my body.

  The slice of razor on my wrists.

  I shuddered, bile crawling in my gut.

  Dax lifted his lips from mine and stared down at me. Confusion dawned on his face. “Elizabeth? You’ve gone white as a sheet.”

  His voice came from a distance, and I shook my head, shoving him to get away from me. Inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth. Just breathe. I dug down deep, reaching for that part of myself I knew was strong. A survivor.

  I’d had years of counseling. I knew how to handle a freak-out.

  He touched my arm, and I flinched, my palm flashing out to strike him hard across the cheek, the sound reverberating in the quietness of the hallway.

  He cupped his cheek and stared at me with a stunned expression. “That is not how I saw this ending. Bugger, I had no clue you weren’t into me.” He put his hands on my shoulders with a light touch. “You okay?”

  “Get away from me,” I hissed and shoved at his broad shoulders. He released me, and I leaned against the wall, my hands digging into the paneling to stay standing up.

  Suddenly strong hands were pushing Dax even further away.

  Declan stood between us, his face dark and angry. His silvery eyes swept over me then focused back on Dax, a muscle twitching in his jaw. “What’s going on here? What’s wrong with Elizabeth?”

  “It’s fine,” I whispered. It wasn’t.

  Declan swiveled his eyes back to Dax, who held his hands up. “I went in for a kiss, and she wasn’t excited. That’s it.”

  His eyes flared as he shoved Dax away from him. “Don’t be such a prick, Dax.”

  Dax flushed a deep red as he glared back at Declan. He exhaled and fixed his gaze to me, a contrite look on his handsome face. “Look, I’m truly, truly sorry. I didn’t know kissing me would make you want to barf. I just wanted to be able to tell Declan I’d kissed you first. We have this thing where we take bets on who can get a girl … Sorry, you probably don’t want to hear that right now.”

  I wasn’t even listening to him, focusing instead on breathing.

  Declan touched my hand. “You okay?”

  Okay?

  Hundreds of miles and years away from Colby and that hotel room, yet it haunted me. Shame beat me with her whips. I hadn’t had a reaction like this in months, mostly because I kept my environment in strict control.

  But, I’d wanted to be a normal college kid for a night. I’d just wanted to be like everyone else.

  I straightened up from the wall, my gaze encompassing them and then bouncing away. I felt embarrassed. “I’ll be fine.”

  Declan didn’t agree, his stormy eyes still flashing at his brother.

  Nadia came out to the hallway, adjusting her dress, making me wonder what I’d missed.

  “What’s going on?”

  No one answered.

  Dax just shrugged and fidgeted while Declan kept his gaze on my face, his eyes seeming to devour every inch.

  Even in the midst of having a near panic attack, something about him had dug into my skin.

  Leave. Go. This party is not for you.

  “I need to go,” I said, crossing my arms and rubbing them. “It’s late.”

  “Don’t go,” Dax said. “I swear to keep my hands to myself if you’ll just stay.”

  “Don’t pressure her,” Declan said. “Can’t you tell you scared her?”

  Nadia’s eyes bounced from me to Dax to Declan as she tried to figure it out, but I didn’t want her to.

  My mortification grew.

  I needed away from this party, away from the guy who’d kissed me, and away from the guy I couldn’t have and certainly didn’t need.

  “Let me give you a lift home,” Declan stated more than asked, his voice soft.

  No! I couldn’t take being close to either of them anymore. “I can take care of myself.”

  Nadia chimed in. “I can take her home. I’m leaving anyway.”

  “No thanks,” I snapped at her. I would not be maneuvered by a jealous ex simply because she was afraid I’d take her man.

  She held her hands up. “No need to be bitchy.”

  “That’s enough, Nadia,” Declan said.

  She huffed. “I’m just trying to help.”

  No she wasn’t. I didn’t know her personally, but I knew girls like her. They were the ones who’d talked about me after prom, the ones who’d gossiped and posted on twitter and Facebook about all the horrible things Colby had told everyone about me in the hours following the hotel. Suddenly girls who’d I’d thought were my friends had labeled me as a slut and a troublemaker.

  Before Declan could protest any more, I turned on my heel and walked away. I found Shelley back outside on the dance floor where apparently she’d never left. I pulled her aside and said I was ready to go.

  “Is everything okay?” she asked me, her face flushed from dancing.

  I didn’t want to see the disappointed look in her eyes, so I lied and told her I was just tired. She offered to drive me back to the apartment, but she’d been drinking and was having a great time, and I didn’t want to always be the friend who required extra attention because she had mental breakdowns over stupid stuff.

  After some cajoling and assurances that I could find a way home, she went back to her dancing, and I got my phone out to call a cab. Next time I’d know to drive myself.

  No, wait, there wouldn’t be a next time.

  This was my last party.

  Blake appeared at my side as I hung up my phone. “Where in the hell have you been? I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” He took in the way I clutched my purse. “Leaving already?”

  “Sorry, I have a lot to do at the apartment. Can you take care of Shelley if she’s too trashed to drive? Make sure she gets back to the dorm?”

  “Of course.” He sent me an anxious look. “Just don’t disappear on me like that. I searched all the bedrooms for you. Who knows what could have happened when you were with Declan Blay.”

  Declan? He’d been the nicest of the entire lot of them.

  I didn’t have time to argue with him. I just wanted to go. “I’m fine. I’ll see you soon.”

  He grabbed my arm to stop me as I turned, uncertainty written on his face. “Elizabeth, wait. There’s something I need to tell you that I should have said a long time ago …”

  No.

  I put my hands to his lips. I suspected what he wanted to say, and I wasn’t ready to hear it—or respond to it. “Don’t. Not now. I can’t handle any more tonight.”

  FROM THE SIDE of the Tau house, I watched her long legs walk across the yard and ease into a cab that had pulled up to the curb. Her shoulders were hunched as if weighted down with burden. Her huddled posture sent alarm bells all through me. Her reaction had been extreme. I got angry at Dax all over again. He was impulsive and rushed headlong into everything without thinking, so it wasn’t a surprise to see him making a pass at a pretty girl, but it was her, and for some reason it bugged me.

  Acting on impulse, I jumped in my Jeep and pulled out to follow her home. Some unnamed emotion made me anxious to make sure she got home okay.

  It wasn’t like I didn’t know where she lived.

  I followed the cab until it reached the apartments, and I pulled in at Minnie’s Diner across the road to let my Jeep idle as I watched her get out, pay the driver, and then make the trek across the carpark. She made a solitary figure as she trudged across the pavement, her white-blond hair blowing in the wind that had kicked up from an incoming storm. One of the streetlights was out, and I noticed she seemed keenly aware of the fact, her pale face peering over her shoulder as she made her way up the stairs. She walked briskly down the hall, the mere swing of her arms telling me she was on alert for anything. She was aware of the dangers of walking alone at night.

  Had Dax been the one to cause all that reaction?

  I suspected not
. She fit the mold for the kind of girls I’d seen in my self-defense classes. Scared. Vulnerable. Hiding behind her pain.

  Elizabeth Bennett had been hurt in the past by someone, and whoever he was, I wanted to bury my fist in his face.

  She stopped at her door and dropped her keys. I got jacked up at the way she bent over in her dress, her heart-shaped arse straining against the material. My eyes lingered on her shoulders and how they contrasted with the white of her dress. She was hot, and it had been hard as hell to tell her no tonight. She slipped inside the door, giving me a brief glimpse of the soft curve of her face, and I immediately regretted my sexual urges.

  Right then all I wanted was to take that bruised look off her face.

  She went inside, so I pulled out and parked in our own lot, planning on heading inside myself. There was no need in going back to the party, even though Nadia had insisted we talk tonight. And with thoughts of her, I reminded myself why it was a shitty idea to even be attracted to any girl right now, especially one as gorgeous as Elizabeth.

  I got inside just as my phone pinged. Father.

  I read his text: Dinner at my house tomorrow. Dax has already confirmed. We need to discuss your after graduation plans and inheritance.

  I barked out a laugh and tossed my phone on the couch.

  And that proved how well he kept up with me.

  He had no idea I’d used my half of Mum’s money I’d got last year to buy a gym.

  I needed to punch something. I stripped off my shirt, yanked on some gym shorts, and picked up my gloves. I couldn’t hit the bag without music, so I cranked up Nelly on my speakers and went for it.

  A THUNDERSTORM LIT the night sky.

  I sat on my bed and watched the lightning, its lines jagged and sharp in the distance. Before long, the wind picked up, the gusts bending over the small trees in the landscaping below my balcony.

  I picked at Granny’s quilt on my bed.

  I was alone, but like the storm outside, winds of change were blowing in my life. I just didn’t know where they’d take me.

  Shelley sent me a text, responding to one I’d sent her earlier to check on her.

  Blake got me home. Why did you leave so soon? What happened with you and Whitman University’s Sexiest Man on Campus? Did you guys have monkey sex?

  No monkeys. Please! What’s wrong with human sex? And Whitman’s Sexiest Man? Wow. Cheesy, I tapped out.

  He’s hot and rich and sexy as hell, she texted. Rumor is he only had eyes for you tonight. According to Blake.

  I ignored that and tapped out, Nite. Let’s do lunch soon. I owe you for helping me move today.

  I set my phone down and snuggled back down in the bed.

  While the storm raged, my neighbor moved around his apartment, making a racket as he cranked up some music, the beat of the bass loud through the thin walls.

  Okay, I could handle some late night music next door. Easy. I quickly reminded myself this was the weekend and these were university-owned apartments.

  But isn’t he being inconsiderate? Whatever. I flip-flopped over just as a rhythmic thumping sound reached my ears. Thump, thump, whack, whack.

  Great. Was he having a freaking party over there?

  I groaned and buried my head under my pillow. That didn’t help. I tossed in my bed, antsy. Angry even. I replayed the night, remembering my rejection from Declan. I rose up to beat on my pillow to make it softer.

  Bloody Brit. He knew nothing about me.

  I’d seen the darkness on the other side that night in the hotel, and I’d faced it down, dealing with it the only way I knew how. I was not fragile.

  But you’ve changed, a small voice inside me said. You’re bitter. A shell.

  I blew out a puff of air and flipped over on the mattress to find a more comfy spot, but it was pointless. Ugh. After fifteen more minutes of music and thumping noises, I jerked up and slipped a white cotton robe over my nightgown. I burrowed through a pile of shoes still in a box in my closet, bumping my head in the process, which only made me more pissed. Finally I found my pink rain boots and shoved my feet in.

  I was putting my foot down with my new neighbor. If I didn’t, then he’d likely party every single night, and I couldn’t have that. I stepped outside my door, and since there was no overhang along the doorway, I got drenched in about five seconds. Cursing, I ran the short distance to my neighbor’s apartment and banged on the door with a heavy fist.

  The thumping stopped, then the music.

  I put my hands on my hips and schooled my features into an irritated glare. Kinda hard to look tough when you’re being pelted with rain, but I did my best.

  The door opened wide and I squinted at the brightness.

  “Excuse me, but your music is way too loud and you seem to be knocking out the walls—” I came to an abrupt stop. Blinked, resisting the urge to rub my eyes. “Declan?”

  Dressed in black gym shorts and nothing else, he leaned against the doorjamb, his body glittering from the sweat that dripped down his well-muscled chest and straight down to the V of his hips. Oh. My. I inhaled.

  He should come with a freaking warning label.

  Just perfect. I must look like a drowned rat.

  He pulled me inside the door and slammed it shut after a bolt of lightning lit up the sky. “What the bloody hell are you doing out in this?” His molten eyes swept over me, and I swallowed at the lump that formed in my throat.

  Once again I felt a tug between us, that mysterious carnal push that had me imagining us in an erotic kiss while he pressed me against the wall and pounded …

  Whoa. I stopped that train of thought.

  “What are you doing here?” A ridiculous question, but my brain was fried.

  He set down the red boxing gloves that had been dangling from his hands when he opened the door. “This is my new flat. I moved in today, same as you.”

  He was the guy in the Jeep with the Union Jack hat.

  “You saw me on the balcony today and recognized me at the party and didn’t say anything?” My voice had gone up an octave. “Don’t you think that’s weird?”

  He raked a hand through his dark hair. Sighed. “I felt it best to not mention it after seeing how Blake reacted to me. He won’t be happy to know we’re neighbors.” He cocked his head. “He’s a territorial dude. You sure you aren’t with him?”

  “I’m not with anyone. Ever.”

  He took that in, his eyes raking over me. “So, did you come over here with the intention to seduce me? Because if you are, you’re doing a rather kick-ass job.”

  What? I looked down.

  My robe had come apart, revealing my now practically see-through white gown thanks to the downpour outside. Short, filmy, and made of silk, it had been a gift from Shelley.

  I stiffened. “I’m here because someone keeps beating on the wall and playing their music so loud that I can’t sleep. Oh, it’s you.” I smirked.

  He grimaced apologetically. “I was working out pretty hard with the punching bag. Sorry. It’s been a crap day. My new gym is stressing me out, plus my father sent me a text …” His eyes ghosted over my skin. “You’re soaked.” He turned and left the room, giving me a glimpse of scars on his back before he disappeared. My mouth parted. What had happened to him?

  He came back with a towel, which he draped over my shoulders and pulled the ends closed. He smiled softly. “I’m sorry for bothering you. I like my music rather loud.”

  And his women and sex hard. Oh yeah. I shivered.

  “Okay.” My voice was husky, my heart hammering at his nearness.

  But it wasn’t fear; it was pure lust. Declan was a man who hit all my buttons.

  He seemed to realize how close we were standing, and he shifted, taking a few steps back from me. “Was there anything else?”

  I laughed. Someone was ready for me to go, and for once, I wasn’t the one being overly cautious around the opposite sex; it was the guy. “No, that’s all. Sorry to bother you. I’ll go. Just try to
keep it down.”

  “Wait,” he said, as I put my hand on the doorknob.

  I turned back. “Yeah?”

  “About earlier with Dax. I’m sorry for it. I’ll hold him if you want to punch him in the nuts.”

  I smiled at that visual. “It wasn’t your fault.”

  “It’s just—he’s a good guy.” He shrugged. “I’ve been taking care of him my whole life even though we’re the same age. He can be careless but doesn’t mean to hurt anyone intentionally.”

  I nodded. “No, of course. I’m glad you were there. Thank you.”

  He smiled. “My mum always said I was the stronger one. She told me to watch over him.”

  “Oh.”

  He smiled and sucked his bottom lip in with his top teeth. The entire thing—his sweet words, his sexy face, his luscious lips—I wanted to kiss him.

  My chest rose.

  My palms got sweaty.

  An entire colony of butterflies fluttered around in my tummy.

  “If you really want to make me feel better, maybe you’d like to erase Dax’s kiss from my memory with one of your own?”

  He froze, his alert gaze lingering on my lips as he licked his own. “Yeah?”

  I nodded. “Most definitely.”

  “Now?” His husky voice assaulted my senses.

  “Why not?”

  The apartment swelled with silence as his eyes ate me up, as if he were trying to figure me out. God. What was wrong with me? Was I this desperate? I prepared myself for another rejection.

  “Come here, Elizabeth,” he said in a soft yet commanding voice.

  The towel around my shoulders dropped to the floor, and my feet crossed the space between us, eager for him. For this.

  He cupped my cheek, his fingers trailing down my jawline to my neckline where he toyed with the buttons on my gown. “I can’t tell you no again, Elizabeth. Are you sure?”

  A whisper of something sang through the air. Electric.

  I nodded and put my hands on his shoulders and stood on my tiptoes, my mouth settling on his, my tongue dipping out to taste his secrets. He smelled masculine, like sweat, and the warmth of his chest pressed against my wet one. He didn’t move, until suddenly he did, his arms sliding around my shoulders, brushing the base of my spine as he gathered me close.